and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
