I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
