You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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