obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
