Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
