i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
