wrigley field is MILF paradise
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just blew my weed a kiss
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
