do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
