No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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