I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
