Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
