I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Soap is not a condiment
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
