id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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