her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
