Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
