what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
