people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
