So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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