I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
