There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
