Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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