i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
