She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well you can't waste a boner
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
