Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
