I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
