He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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