do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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