why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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