HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
