I can feel you judging me through the phone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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