You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
