dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
