I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
