a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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