Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
