i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have already put on my inside pants.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
