I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
