After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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