I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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