Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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