you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
