Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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