just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
