duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
