We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A+ Viking dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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