he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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