did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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