he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
