i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
