I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
